Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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