Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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