That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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