I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
