my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
