My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize