All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
