the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
