Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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