My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
