bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
