You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
