Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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