We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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