i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
