You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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