So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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