I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
