and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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