Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
