The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
