I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
