I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
