Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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