I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
