I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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