We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
