Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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