She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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