I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
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He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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