Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
