Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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