I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
