Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
