We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
