I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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