I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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