You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
