Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
