Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
