just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
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