Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
is this the sara with the beer cane?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
