What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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