My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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