LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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