Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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