i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
