Pappa wants mamma naked
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm having to shit out rocks
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
