Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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