Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
