One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
