p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
