I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
