No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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