i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
