I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
