I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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