smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
