dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
