you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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