I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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