I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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