I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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