Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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