You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
