her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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