I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
