I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
