So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
