Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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