We won't sleep together?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
