I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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