Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
